The COVID pandemic is over, but fear of COVID symptoms is stuck in our heads. Without masks and hazmat suits, people may feel like it’s open season for plagues. I have hay fever, not COVID, but my phenomenal rapid-fire triple sneeze in public places can activate hostile stares. Luke 11:34 tells us that your eye is the lamp of your body, so one “ah-CHOO!” and I’m bombarded by death rays.
Hay fever shares some of the same symptoms as COVID, but it isn’t contagious. It’s triggered by an allergic reaction to harmless airborne particles from plants, dust, pets, mold, and vermin. Plant pollen is my kryptonite. When I inhale it, a firestorm of micro mosquitoes inject pollen into membranes that spark intense itchiness and self-mutilation of my eyes, nose, and throat.
A hay fever sneeze differs from a COVID sneeze. For instance, if someone is in front of me in the grocery store line with a bunch of flowers, a porta potty of fragrance will shoot pollen up my nostrils. Like a madwoman, I’ll snort in a hurricane of air and blast the pollen from my airways like buckshot from a shotgun.
Then I’ll have to apologize, “Yikes! I’m sorry, sir, for blowing a hole in your box of raisin bran. Please let me get you another one!”
A COVID sneeze is more muffled. After I recovered from the ‘rona, my airways remained thick with congestion. I probably couldn’t smell a skunk if it squatted on my face and sprayed. And if I were in a grocery store line, the explosive sneeze to clear my airways would likely pop my eardrums into the shopping cart behind me.
That warrants a different kind of apology: “Please, ma’am, let me help you unload your cart. I’m sorry, but I believe I dropped a couple trinkets in there.”
A hay fever sufferer’s cough is herky-jerky depending on how bad their throat tickles. It’s safe to shake their hand. People recovering from COVID often have dry, wheezy, nonstop coughs. Their respiratory droplets are only permitted to travel six feet, but some droplets go rogue. You must fist bump them with a broom handle forever.
“The fear of others lays a snare, but one who trusts in the LORD is secure.” Proverbs 29:25, NRSV
Church is a challenge for hay fever sufferers like me. The pollen floating around from floral arrangements near the altar turns my nostrils into a couple of downspouts, mummifies my throat, and gives my eyes mange. A quiet sniff rumbles through the cavernous worship area and rebounds off every ceiling arch like a spring-loaded arcade ball. A sniffle will sound like a vacuum cleaner sucking up pet fur.
While listening to the Gospel during a recent service, I swallowed hard to cork my coughs so as not to distract others-but it distracted me. I waited for the next song to blow my nose and clear my throat. No need to cause a COVID stampede. While I sweated it out, two weeks lapsed but my watch only showed five minutes had gone by.
The organ finally boomed with pipes blaring as the choir sang, “Joyful, joyful, we adore You, COUGH! God of glory, Lord of love; PFFT! Hearts unfold like flow’rs before You, SNIFFLE! op’ning to the sun above. A-H-H-CHOO!“
I felt like Leviathan, the giant sea serpent described in Job 41:18. with lights flashing when it sneezed and eyes glowing red like the dawn.
Fortunately, I had made an appointment for my annual physical. When I went in, hand sanitizer still decorated counter tops, waiting areas, and exam rooms so I squirted half a bottle of each into my hands. To beat down fears of disease and death for onlookers, I rubbed it in till my blood ethyl alcohol level reached an acceptable 70 percent. I smelled like Tequila.
“For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Do not fear. I will help you.'” Isaiah 41:13
My physician suggested over the counter meds as a treatment for my hay fever. My dream doctor would have offered a drug-free remedy. “Let me have the nurse corkscrew this wire brush up your nose and shove a cactus down your throat. Oh, and here’s a free toothbrush for your eyes.” Now that would relieve my symptoms.
Anyone who has COVID or hay fever should respect the personal boundaries of others. If you have COVID, isolate yourself in an underground bunker stocked with toilet paper. If you have hay fever, visit a green house with a case of tissues and sneeze out every part of your brain that activates your allergy response.
Disease phobia has remained and our sanity has been sidelined. Extreme hand hygiene, proximity etiquette, and environmental cleaning is no longer the norm. So embrace life germs and all. The Bible tell us, in part, to seek the Lord to deliver us from our fears (Psalm 34:4). It also reminds us that God didn’t give us spirits of cowardice, but spirits of power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).
“The human spirit will endure sickness; but a broken spirit-who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14)
Not everyone with a sniffle is a harbinger of death. Sometimes it’s not a horrible virus causing symptoms. Sometimes it’s just pollen. But how can we tell if someone has hay fever or has the ‘rona?
The main difference between someone who is suffering from hay fever and someone who has the ‘rona depends on their mask. If the person is wearing a scrunched up blue paper one, it’s for filtering pollen. If it’s a stylish cloth mask that matches their outfit, it’s for COVID.
“I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9, NRSV
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.”
Psalm 34:4, NRSV
“Are any among you suffering? They should pray. Are any cheerful? They should sing songs of praise.”
James 5:13, NRSV
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