The COVID pandemic is over, but fear of COVID symptoms is stuck in our heads. Without masks and hazmat suits, people may feel like it’s open season for plagues. I have hay fever, not COVID, but my phenomenal rapid-fire triple sneeze in public places can activate hostile stares. Luke 11:34 tells us that your eye is the lamp of your body, so one “ah-CHOO!” and I’m bombarded by death rays.
Hay fever shares some of the same symptoms as COVID, but it isn’t contagious. It’s triggered by an allergic reaction to harmless airborne particles from plants, dust, pets, mold, and vermin. Plant pollen is my kryptonite. When I inhale it, a firestorm of micro mosquitoes inject pollen into membranes that spark intense itchiness and self-mutilation of my eyes, nose, and throat.
A hay fever sneeze differs from a COVID sneeze. For instance, if someone is in front of me in the grocery store line with a bunch of flowers, a porta potty of fragrance will shoot pollen up my nostrils. Like a madwoman, I’ll snort in a hurricane of air and blast the pollen from my airways like buckshot from a shotgun.
Then I’ll have to apologize, “Yikes! I’m sorry, sir, for blowing a hole in your box of raisin bran. Please let me get you another one!”
A COVID sneeze is more muffled. After I recovered from the ‘rona, my airways remained thick with congestion. I probably couldn’t smell a skunk if it squatted on my face and sprayed. And if I were in a grocery store line, the explosive sneeze to clear my airways would likely pop my eardrums into the shopping cart behind me.
That warrants a different kind of apology: “Please, ma’am, let me help you unload your cart. I’m sorry, but I believe I dropped a couple trinkets in there.”
A hay fever sufferer’s cough is herky-jerky depending on how bad their throat tickles. It’s safe to shake their hand. People recovering from COVID often have dry, wheezy, nonstop coughs. Their respiratory droplets are only permitted to travel six feet, but some droplets go rogue. You must fist bump them with a broom handle forever.
“The fear of others lays a snare, but one who trusts in the LORD is secure.” Proverbs 29:25, NRSV
Church is a challenge for hay fever sufferers like me. The pollen floating around from floral arrangements near the altar turns my nostrils into a couple of downspouts, mummifies my throat, and gives my eyes mange. A quiet sniff rumbles through the cavernous worship area and rebounds off every ceiling arch like a spring-loaded arcade ball. A sniffle will sound like a vacuum cleaner sucking up pet fur.
While listening to the Gospel during a recent service, I swallowed hard to cork my coughs so as not to distract others-but it distracted me. I waited for the next song to blow my nose and clear my throat. No need to cause a COVID stampede. While I sweated it out, two weeks lapsed but my watch only showed five minutes had gone by.
The organ finally boomed with pipes blaring as the choir sang, “Joyful, joyful, we adore You, COUGH! God of glory, Lord of love; PFFT! Hearts unfold like flow’rs before You, SNIFFLE! op’ning to the sun above. A-H-H-CHOO!“
I felt like Leviathan, the giant sea serpent described in Job 41:18. with lights flashing when it sneezed and eyes glowing red like the dawn.
Fortunately, I had made an appointment for my annual physical. When I went in, hand sanitizer still decorated counter tops, waiting areas, and exam rooms so I squirted half a bottle of each into my hands. To beat down fears of disease and death for onlookers, I rubbed it in till my blood ethyl alcohol level reached an acceptable 70 percent. I smelled like Tequila.
“For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Do not fear. I will help you.'” Isaiah 41:13
My physician suggested over the counter meds as a treatment for my hay fever. My dream doctor would have offered a drug-free remedy. “Let me have the nurse corkscrew this wire brush up your nose and shove a cactus down your throat. Oh, and here’s a free toothbrush for your eyes.” Now that would relieve my symptoms.
Anyone who has COVID or hay fever should respect the personal boundaries of others. If you have COVID, isolate yourself in an underground bunker stocked with toilet paper. If you have hay fever, visit a green house with a case of tissues and sneeze out every part of your brain that activates your allergy response.
Disease phobia has remained and our sanity has been sidelined. Extreme hand hygiene, proximity etiquette, and environmental cleaning is no longer the norm. So embrace life germs and all. The Bible tell us, in part, to seek the Lord to deliver us from our fears (Psalm 34:4). It also reminds us that God didn’t give us spirits of cowardice, but spirits of power, love, and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7).
“The human spirit will endure sickness; but a broken spirit-who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14)
Not everyone with a sniffle is a harbinger of death. Sometimes it’s not a horrible virus causing symptoms. Sometimes it’s just pollen. But how can we tell if someone has hay fever or has the ‘rona?
The main difference between someone who is suffering from hay fever and someone who has the ‘rona depends on their mask. If the person is wearing a scrunched up blue paper one, it’s for filtering pollen. If it’s a stylish cloth mask that matches their outfit, it’s for COVID.
“I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9, NRSV
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.”
Psalm 34:4, NRSV
“Are any among you suffering? They should pray. Are any cheerful? They should sing songs of praise.”
James 5:13, NRSV
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5 SECOND SMILES :) 
Covid eventually goes away, but hay-fever is forever (when you’re around the offending pollen)!
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So True!. I had allergy shots a number of years ago that worked well for me, but my intolerance has crept back. Thanks for your observation, Joy!
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Funny and so true!
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I’m glad you got a chuckle or two, Ericka. Real life situations can be hilarious depending on how you look at them. Thanks for sharing your opinion. 🙂
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I remember having hay fever as a kid. I outgrew it, or we moved to another part of the country where it was less troublesome. I’m also famous for the triple sneeze, though they don’t always come in rapid-fire—mine are more like shaking up a soda bottle until it eventually explodes. Why do we never get the isolated single sneeze? (I must have too much time on my hands to ask these deep, probing questions. 🤣)
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I do often “perform” the single explosive sneeze. It’s refreshing for me to expel irritants in such a dramatic way, but it’s disturbing for anyone in my vicinity. My husband says it rings our doorbell. I like your deep questions, Pete! 🙂
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Hay Fever is so terrible with this pollen
.but I sneeze too.
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I would expect you’re exposed to pollen from countless variations of plants during your travels. It doesn’t affect the quality of your photography though. Your pictures are great!
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Love the way you can laugh at your troublesome hay fever symptoms–and, while you’re at it, make others laugh too. Well done, Nancy!
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Laughter is the best medicine! Thank you, Nancy. Your kind were made me smile. 🙂
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Your kind WORDS made me smile! Why did my eyes not see that typo? 🙂 🙂 :)!
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This was really funny!
If you think the floral arrangements in the Christian temples are bad, just jog into a Japanese Buddhist service sometime ~ all the same floral essences, ultra-concentrated, with smoke added! 🤧
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The forest of flowers and incense would definitely be a problem for hay fever sufferers like myself! Thank you, Ana, for visiting my blog and letting me know that something I intended to be funny strikes you as funny. 🙂
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Hilarious post, Nancy! As a Christian yourself, I was amazed how many devoted Christians were petrified of Covid. Good grief people – God is in control! I passed someone once in Walmart wearing two masks – the one on top, being some kind of Alien type. (You know the one with the mouthpiece sticking out three inches?) Never recognized him as one of my Christian friends. He was incensed tI didn’t say hello. I wanted to explain, “Well, I didn’t want to be abducted!” I doubt he would have understood my humor. So I simply apologized. Thanks for brightening up my day, sweet lady. Blessings back,
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Thank you, Ellie, for sharing your comical experiences. Life is a hoot if you have a sense of humor. And, apparently, we have the same kind of funny bone! 🙂
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Indeed we do, Nancy. I find it a very boring world when people don’t smile. (And lately, in this Florida July heat, some don’t. I’m grumpy in the cold, dreary stuff) What’s that saying? “If life gives you lemons . . .?” Sometimes a grimace while eating a lemon looks like a smile though. I can’t wait to read what you write next, 🙂 Take care, my new friend.
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Maybe some of your Floridian neighbors can’t smile because they’re also dealing with five pound mosquitoes. Using the lemon philosophy, I’d tell them that “if life gives you mosquitoes, cage them and say “hello” to your new rescued pet bird.” Well, Ellie, I’m in the cold, dreary stuff in northeast Ohio 🙂 and write regularly, but with l-o-n-g-e-r gaps between blogs. It’s fun playing around with the pictures I take to illustrate them. You may enjoy previous blogs. Thanks for connecting, fellow happiness warrior!
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Ellie, I passed an elderly couple ion the grocery store who were still masked up. The gentleman was pushing the lady in a wheelchair. I smiled and said “hi.” The lady looked up at me with wistful eyes and said, “Oh…. you have such a beautiful smile..” I was caught a little off-guard and just blurted out, “I’m sure you do, too.” (*eye roll*)
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Oh my gosh, you are soooo funny! It was just what I needed today, thanks! 🙂
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Same here! Your positive feedback was a great pep talk-so thank you and you’re welcome!
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Then there’s all the wildfire smoke! A-chooooooo!!!
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Seriously! The wildfire smoke put a damper on a few of my obsessive compulsive three mile walks in the morning. The sun couldn’t even burn through the haze! 🙂
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HI Nancy, I haven’t been on here for awhile but I’m glad I popped in. I got my Nancy fix of humor. 😆 Here’s something to ponder. My husband went to ER a month ago with a low pulse rate and BP. They gave him fluids and doc told him he had covid. One minute later, a nurse came in unmasked, fussing Dave. 3 more minutes later, nurse 2 came in unmasked, fussing Dave. ?? Maybe they thought the chart read hay fever? No wonder I don’t trust people, just God!
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Oh my! I hope your husband feels better now. You definitely have to be your own advocates when it comes to your health and prayer helps strengthen your resolve. Thanks for “popping in” and taking the time to comment. Your cheery nature always shines through. Take care, Marla! 🙂
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Hi Nancy, I am having a problem replying to your comment about homeschooling so I’ll reply here instead. One thing I read about teaching math said that the parent can learn along with the child and then help their child to understand. Having taught math in public school, I know this works. I’m glad to hear your granddaughter is homeschooling and I wish her great success! Blessings!
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Thank you for your information, Cindy. You’re right, my daughter probably will be learning along with her children when she introduces certain material to them. I’m happy to hear this has proven to be successful. My husband just happens to be very patient and clear when explaining new concepts to our grandchildren and he volunteered! I’m sorry you had difficulty replying to my comment. You can always try to email me at 5secondsmiles@gmail.com 🙂 Thank you for the extra effort you made to contact me!
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I am so sorry you suffer from hay fever, Nancy, and wish your doctor could prescribe something better than OTC meds. Your symptoms sound much too powerful for Claritin or Zyrtec!
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My Naturopath suggested an herbal blend that worked well. Bee pollen also helped. I’m over it now. The challenge was trying to restrain hay fever symptoms in public so others wouldn’t think they were being exposed to the bubonic plague. Thanks for your concerns, Nancy! 🙂
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I really sympathized with your post about hay fever and covid. You have such a funny and relatable way of expressing your frustration and confusion of having hay fever symptoms in the pandemic. I laughed at your jokes and cartoons of sneezing and coughing in public. You made me feel less alone and more hopeful with your humor and positivity.
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Thank you, Supraja, for letting me know you had a few chuckles while reading my post. It’s very kind of you to take the time to comment and express your opinion. I’m happy to hear a bit of humor and related Bible verses have made you feel better. Praise God. 🙂
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Nancy, I can SO relate! I think there should be hats, buttons, or t-shirts that say, “I don’t have Covid, I have allergies.” I think some enterprising entrepreneur could make a killing on that product. 😀
That being said, I want to share with you something that has helped me tremendously and might help you, too. I had been taken off all medications, including allergy meds, for a week leading up to surgery, and I was afraid my head was going to explode from untreated allergies, I started using my saline rinse three times a day instead of just once. It worked so well, I am still doing it and haven’t gone back to antihistamines – pills or nasal sprays. Warning: there is the issue of the saline “hiding” in your sinuses, clearing the congestion, and then unexpectedly streaming out when you bend over to tie your shoes, but experiences like that could give you material for another funny blog post. 😉
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Yes, I need a clarification button during the spring! I’ve heard many good things about “saline solutions” and I’m all about using natural remedies. Antihistamines actually have the opposite effect on my sinuses and block them. I used a blend of herbs suggested by my Naturopath that gave me relief, but I was at the end of my allergy season. Thank you for checking out my blog, taking the time to comment, and offering helpful suggestions!
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Good chuckles Nancy…
I can’t relate to the hay fever or the covid hysteria (we live in a rural fiercly independent area) but saw some of it when we traveled to visit our kids wearing a just back from China t-shirt.
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Thanks, Gary. I’m glad you got a laugh or two reading about my perception of the over sensitivity to innocent sneezes since COVID. Although I may have been a little carefree using hyperbole! 🙂
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Carefree works well (for you) Nancy. When I get carefree my wife and daughter whisper to those around “look out”
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This made me laugh. I especially loved the remedies that you hoped your doctor would give you…a corkscrew up your nose; a cactus down your throat; and a toothbrush for your eyes. HaHaHa! I sometimes have very mild allergy symptoms but nothing like you must endure. However, not long ago I was standing in the home of one of our Meals on Wheels clients. She is medically fragile. I got this awful tickle in my throat and couldn’t even speak. I could only start hacking up my lungs. I went to the door, tried to apologize as the granddaughter let me out, and was able to croak that I really wasn’t sick. I was SO embarrassed!! I wonder if they sprayed Lysol all around when I left!
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I can completely identify with your account of your throat tickle. The dry cough increases in intensity and there’s nothing you can do about it! Inhaling one’s own saliva does the same thing. And coughing like that near a medically fragile client had to be a horrifying experience for you and them Thank you for sharing your experience, Patty, and giving me a chuckle!
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Humor is so needed these days Nancy!
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Very true, Robert! Thank you for visiting my blog and sharing your opinion. 🙂
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A nice humourous writer with sound logic to with it. Indeed, the masks and stares are still with us. Plague indeed. “She turned me into a Newt! I got better” Masks while driving I assume since the useless 30 micron leakers are so difficult to put on, why not get masked up and stay that way. I love the black ones. Why not wear a full face covering with eye holes and then after paying at WallyWorld you could just grab the cash and your cart and sneeze. Apologizing for having the latest and greatest version you could keep that sixtyfoot safety net and escape in your EV.
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Thank you for sharing your opinion, Norman. Hopefully, Covid will continue to morph down-because I’m not a fan of masks! I appreciate your visit to my blog and for taking the time to comment. 🙂
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very humorous treatment of a tricky topic–and the advice to trust in the Lord–always needed!!
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I’m glad you got a chuckle or two reading “Hay Fever Isn’t COVID.” Laughter is a good way to relieve stress if you have Covid! Thank you for sharing your opinion, Katie. 🙂
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This was funny, and it brought back so many memories of trying to stifle hay fever/allergy throat tickles.
My tried and true method is to press my tongue as hard as I can into the roof of my mouth and hold it there. I feel like my eyes are popping like a squeezy stress ball, but it’s worth it.
The other method is to rapidly itch my throat with the back of my tongue, a move which activates the same clicking sound made famous by African tribes…does that make me fluent in English and Hay Fever?
Love your memories, they trigger my own…and always in a way that reminds me of Gods goodness, even in the midst of difficult times.
Have a blessed day!
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I’m glad to know that you got a few chuckles from this post. Thank you for the tips to stifle coughs and throat tickles because they are maddening! I appreciate that you took the time to share your thoughts. God’s hand is indeed everywhere.
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tx much for visiting my site. I love anything to do with books & would be thrilled if you’d write a guest blog post for my site, which is for anyone who enjoys writing, or books, and all the arts. If you think it might be fun or helpful to have my followers (who total about 10k across my various social media) meet you, here’s the link for general guidelines: https://wp.me/p6OZAy-1eQ – best, da-AL
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You’re welcome. I’ve checked out your general guidelines and will certainly consider your kind offer. If I don’t take advantage of it soon, I may do so in the future. Thank you! 🙂
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I love your comparison. Coughing in public can still break out the death stares especially during flu season. A mask will comfort the masses a bit. Thanks for sharing this.
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You’re welcome and thank you for sharing your thoughts. When I’m in public, I still try to stifle my coughs when I choke on my own saliva! 🙂
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Hi Nancy! loved the blog! still smiling. sometimes I think wearing a mask gets just as many stares! so glad we can laugh about it now.
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Hi, Debbie! I’m happy to learn you got a chuckle or two! Do you recognize the church pictured in this post? Your visit to my blog is a pleasant surprise. Thank you for your kind words and your comment. 🙂
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